Renewing Our Acceptance of Self

The past couple of months, I’ve been doing a bit of a deep dive into my inner thoughts and feelings, and the actions (both towards myself and at large) that I see myself taking as a result. In this examination of self, one core theme has been coming up again and again - self acceptance. Specifically, self-acceptance as I am right now, not self acceptance “if I change these twenty things about myself to be ‘more acceptable’”. I suspect I’m not alone in this, and it’s an important enough topic that I wanted decided to write a whole post dedicated to the idea of renewing self acceptance. 

On the mat, it may look like accepting your practice, and yourself in your practice, as it is in the moment. This is something I’ve been coming face to face with these past couple of months. Last year, I spent the majority of the year in yoga teacher training. We trained for nine hours most weekends (not straight nine hours of yoga, but we moved a lot) and we had to take at least two vinyasa classes a week. Not to mention practicing, other types of classes we chose to take, etc. I was doing a ton of yoga. I was more flexible than I’ve been probably since I stopped doing gymnastics around the age of twenty. I was in less pain as well - all the movement helped my joints and muscles, and my arthritis, bursitis, and joint and muscle pain felt considerably better. I felt more toned, and felt generally in good shape. Since I graduated, I’ve still been on the mat plenty (admittedly not nine hours on weekends) but it’s been more teaching, which leaves less time for my own practice, and I definitely notice the difference. My body feels stiffer, more sore, I’m less confident in my balance poses, I struggle to get into some poses as easily as I did during training, and I generally feel like I’m getting less movement. I don’t love it, to be totally honest - because who loves feeling sore and stiff and less balanced? But I also know that this is where I’m at currently in my practice, and I need to honor that. I need to honor how I still practice even when arthritis and bursitis and general soreness make me feel not so great. I need to honor that while I may not physically feel as in shape or as flexible, through teaching I’m able to share my practice with others, able to help others in their - not only in the physical asana, but in their overall wellbeing. And I’d love to get back into practice more - not only for the physical component, but the mental and spiritual as well - and it’s fine if this is a goal. I can work on getting there. But I also know that where my practice is at the moment is just fine. There’s no set standard for being a yogi. I’m just as good of a yoga teacher if I’m more or less flexible, if I practice one variation of a pose or another, if I utilize props and modifications in a pose or if I don’t. And I’m realizing that the joy I get from teaching and sharing my practice with others is way greater than the joy I get from being able to get into a pose exactly as I’d like. 

Off the mat, self-acceptance can apply to every area of life - work, family, relationships, home, finances, hobbies, how you feel  internally, etc, though each of us have our unique areas in which we might struggle with this. Regardless of the area(s) of our lives, we often live in the world of “if, then”... “If I ….had a better job, got x degree, was in a relationship, had more friends, did xyz accomplishment... I’d feel better about myself.” And it’s perfectly legitimate to have these or other goals in life. Just as it’s perfectly legitimate to want to work on certain aspects of yourself for personal growth as a human.  Self-acceptance doesn’t mean never trying to grow or evolve. Rather, it’s understanding that you’re enough, that you’re worthy, that you’re valid and lovable and deserving of love - from others and yourself - as you are right now. It’s understanding that life ebbs and flows, and that right now you might not be your exact ideal self, but that’s ok. 

As simple a concept as it sounds, in practice it can be exceedingly tricky. So as we start this new year, I invite you to allow yourself to be. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, without judging it. Allow yourself to be where you are in this moment -whether it feels great or difficult or messy or joyous or however it feels. Allow yourself to acknowledge who you were in the past, and then allowing yourself to move on from that past version of you. Similarly, allow yourself to have goals and dreams and plans, while at the same time knowing that you’re enough without having to reach these. And if you struggle with self-acceptance, know that this, too, is all part of the ebb and flow of life. Acknowledge it, know that perhaps right now you’re in one of the ebbs, and don’t judge yourself for it. It’s part of being human, as we all are. And just as we accept our friends and loved ones despite their imperfections (and often because of them), it’s time to accept ourselves in the same way.