Renewing My (Inward) Focus
/I’ve stated before that I’m not a big New Year’s Resolution person. I don’t have anything against them per se, they just aren’t for me. But I do believe in taking opportunities- not just in the new year but throughout the year as well- to pause, examine our areas of focus. It provides us the chance to examine whether or not the path we’re on is a direction we’d like to be heading, to see where we’re putting our attention and intention on a daily basis, and to make adjustments if we feel we need to. We’re all unique individuals and because finding renewing one’s focus is going to be different from person to person, it’s not for me to say specifically how anyone else should do this. Therefore, I thought I’d share my focus this year, and maybe offer a few tips that have helped me in this process.
So far in 2020, I’ve done a lot more listening to myself. I have a strong intuition and intuitive sense, I’m generally pretty in tune with my body’s nuances, and I spent a lot of time towards the end of 2019 noticing my thought patterns - particularly those that were holding me back, or those areas in which I tend to speak unkindly to myself. In the first few weeks of 2020, I’ve worked on connecting with myself in each of these manners. In addition, I’ve worked on becoming more connected to my spiritual side through yoga and meditation, and my education/training/years of working in health and wellness mean that I have a decent sense of my physical body (anatomy & physiology wise). So I’ve been able to have a pretty well-rounded approach to tuning into myself
As I’ve begun to listen to myself more, both on and off the mat, I’ve noticed how frequently I didn’t in the past. In the 21st century, we’re so frequently bombarded with everyone else’s thoughts, opinions, beliefs, values, “shoulds” and more that it can be easy to lose ourselves in them. And when that happens, I notice that my focus shifts. It might shift towards what someone else suggests or wants or values. It might simply shift away from myself, and I stop feeling like me. In the busy day to day, it often shifts towards figuratively putting bandaids on gaping wounds - by which I mean quick fixes in the moment as opposed to delving deeper into an issue - and frequently, this means shifting away from ourselves and the part we play in our own lives.
And so as I start 2020 I’ve decided to re-adjust the focus. I’m looking inward a lot more. I’m getting back to my own practice as often as I can, even if it’s “just” 10 minutes on the mat at home (the word just in quotes because I don’t think any yoga time is wasted, and even 10 minutes regularly can make a difference). I’ve been meditating regularly, and I’ve begun an evening ritual of mala bead mantras followed by some sort of guided visualization/yoga nidra/sleep meditation.
As a teacher, I’ve been refocusing on what feels like authentically me. I understand that it might not be for every person or every studio or every client or student, and I’m OK with that. Trying to fit into what everyone else wants instead of bringing my authentic self doesn’t feel yogic to me at all, and I’d rather be genuine for a select group of people and places than feel like I’m forcing myself to be who I’m not. Lack of authenticity can be palpable, and it affects not only me, but my classes and students and clients and basically anyone I come into contact with.
In life in general, I’ve been focusing on my intuition. It’s always been a strength of mine, and I can feel it in my body when I’m going against my innate sense. I’m refocusing on connecting with this inner wisdom, with situations that feel intrinsically “right” (not “right” as in “this checks all the boxes/makes x amount of money/logically makes sense but as in feels right deep down to me, intuitively). I’ve been focusing on activities that allow me to connect to this knowledge, this “feeling”, for lack of a better term - it goes deeper than a feeling, but it’s tough to put into words.
I’ve also been focusing on spending more time and energy on people who I feel an intuitive connection with, which can be tricky as a socially anxious introvert, and if often feels like my intuition and anxiety are duking it out in my brain, but it’s getting easier with time. It’s worth noting two things here: 1.) I realize the term intuitive connection sounds a little “out there” and might freak people out. I don’t mean this in a weird way. I mean in the way that sometimes you meet a person and instantly think “this person and I are going to be friends” or that you know somehow this person is someone to be connected to for some reason - you can’t explain it, you just kind of know. 2.) This connection doesn’t mean it’s always people who I’m closest to right now or who I’ve known forever (though it can be, certainly). It’s more people that seem to naturally get me, that I get, that understand or want to understand me, and who are willing to be understood by me.
This listening to myself isn’t always easy. In fact, my word of the year is “uncomfortable”. As in pushing past self-limiting beliefs in order to get where I’m hoping to go. It can be uncomfortable to listen to yourself when others are telling you differently. It can be uncomfortable to act intuitively in a world made for logic and facts and figures, especially when you tend to lack confidence in the first place. It can be uncomfortable to work on connecting with others, especially when you’re a socially anxious introvert like myself who often feels like a burden and like people are just connecting with me “to be nice” or “not to hurt my feelings” (true story, I anxiety tells me this lie often). It can be highly uncomfortable to sit with yourself and realize the patterns of your own thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, actions that have been holding you back, and to work on changing these patterns when they feel so ingrained. But in the end, I believe that it’s worth it, and it’s why I’m renewing my focus on listening to myself.
As I mentioned above, each person’s focus, and how they renew that focus, is going to be highly individual. But if you need some tips for figuring out your focus, I can suggest the following that have worked for me.
Spend some time on your own. It doesn’t have to be meditating or yoga. It can be going for a walk or a hike. It can be cooking or baking. It can be listening to music that relaxes you. It could be going for a run or wandering around a museum. But spend some time on your own, and just allow yourself to observe your thoughts, anything that pulls you or draws you in (in a way that you like, not like a train wreck that you can’t stop watching), anything that feels authentic or genuine or makes you feel like you.
Try out different areas of focus and see how they feel in your body. When we do something that doesn’t feel right, our body knows. We might feel a tightening in the chest or in the solar plexus (think rib cage/diaphragm area). It might be holding tension in the hips or shoulders, or you might notice your breath change. In fact, you may not even have to actually try out focusing on different things - often just the idea of focusing on something can cause a reaction in the body.
Take note - keep a notebook r a sticky or a word document or a note on your phone where you jot down things that make you feel joy, happiness, feel natural, or feel calming, for instance. It can be activities, ideas, people, anything. Just take note. You don’t have to analyze them in the moment, just note. Eventually, you can look at these to see what patterns are there.
Of course, I know we have our daily responsibilities - family responsibilities, jobs, homes, chores, bills, etc. We can’t completely adjust our focus away from these. And I’m certainly not saying we shouldn’t focus on our families or our work. Obviously, we do, and these are important. But often, we lose ourselves so much in the day to day tasks and duties and responsibilities that we don’t have the chance to see what we want to focus on for ourselves. So as we move through this first month of 2020, I invite you to do that. If nothing else, see where it leads you. See how it shows up for you in life and, if you’re a yogi, on the mat. If you do this, I’d love to hear from you. Where are you renewing your focus? How are you doing this? Where is it taking you?