The Yamas, Niyamas, and Practicing Ahimsa in Everyday Life

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I’ve been doing a monthly theme of letting go, and I’m going to continue to do monthly themes. But I have also decided, based on some of my own self-work, to add in an additional post every week or two based on some yoga theory (aka not physical-pose related). If you’re not into yoga theory, or aren’t sure what it is but are pretty sure it’s not your thing, stay with me for a moment. Like the monthly themes I’ve been discussing, these can be applied to daily life - in fact, that’s their purpose. The physical practice of movement (aka Asana) that we tend to think of as yoga is actually just one piece of what yoga actually is. Without getting too deep into it, there’s what’s called the Eight Limb Path of Yoga, and physical practice, or asana, is just one of these eight limbs. 

I won’t go into all eight limbs here (though I’m sure I will at some point on this blog eventually). But there are two specifically that I want to focus on over the coming weeks and months, and those are the Yamas (pronounced YAH-muhs, rhymes with “Llamas”) and Niyamas (NEE yah-muhs). Roughly translated, yamas are restraints with self, while niyamas are restraints with others and there are are five of each.  If the word restraints is off-putting, think of maybe as thoughtful action - that’s definitely not the best translation, but it’s the best way I can think to put it. Still with me? I’ll get to the point soon, I promise, but this background is important.

During a Marco Polo personal development brainstorming session with some family members (because we do things like Marco Polo personal development brainstorming sessions in my family), I mentioned that I was trying to think of small, specific activities that I could focus on each day, and one suggestion I was given was to combine the thought work I’ve been doing with my yoga knowledge, and to pick a yama or niyama to focus on for a set amount of time (week, month, etc). I absolutely love this idea, and I decided that I wanted to spend two weeks focusing on each of the yamas and niyamas. I then got the idea to put these into blog form, to share about these important pieces of yoga, and in case others wanted to learn more about them or give them a go as well. 

I decided to start with the first Yama, Ahimsa, or non-harming, and  I’ve been working on this for a couple of weeks now. Now, I realize this one probably sounds pretty easy, as many of them do. Just don’t harm people. And I thought that too. As a vegetarian yogi who literally can’t kill a bug in my house, not harming people just doesn’t seem that tricky. But, in fact, it’s tougher than it sounds. Hear me out. 

Obviously, not physically harming people is something that we should just generally follow (Always. Just don’t physically hurt people). But there are so many other ways in which we can harm people. We can mentally or emotionally harm them - criticism, putting them down, stigmatizing, ignoring them/leaving them out, doing things that make them feel unimportant, yelling at them, etc. We can also do harm in ways that we don’t always see as harm - and that’s where I decided to focus. Specifically, I decided to focus on something that many people, including myself, do all the time that we don’t realize can be harmful - and often don’t even realize that we’re doing. And that is complaining. 

As a society, we complain a lot. In the summer it’s too hot, in the winter it’s too cold, in the spring it’s too rainy (I can’t really think of a complaint about fall weather but I’m sure there is one). We’re too busy, we’re too bored. We want time alone, we don’t see others enough. I’m guilty of this, I know. Often, I don’t even realize I’m complaining. It feels like I’m simply stating a truth. 

Before I continue with the non- complaining, I want to clarify something. I’m a full believer in being honest about things going in our lives, in our bodies, in our minds, etc (in fact honesty, or Satya, is another of the yamas that I’ll be discussing soon). As a mental health advocate, I’m big on not having to pretend too always be OK,  and instead, being open about mental health struggles. This goes for other illnesses as well. You shouldn’t have to pretend you're not in pain when you are. Or if, for instance, a friend or spouse or family member does something that upsets you, it’s fair to let them know (as kindly as possible, assuming it wasn’t malicious). To me, what differentiates complaining is that it doesn’t serve a purpose. It’s not sharing with someone how you’re feeling because it helps you to say or them to understand. It’s not asking for help or spreading awareness. It’s not communicating something that, if not communicated, could cause issues down the road. It’s not even communicating something functional (i.e. there’s a difference between “It’s so cold out, I hate this weather!” and “Hey it’s cold out today, may want to bring a jacket.”)  And often, we don’t ask if the person we’re complaining to is ok with it. We just jump into their sphere with our complaint without checking if they’re in a position to deal with it right now. And that’s where I’ve been trying to focus (emphasis on the word trying). 

I’ll be honest, these past few weeks have been challenging ones, and I’ve definitely done my share of complaining. Some things happened that I felt extremely frustrated/sad/angry/hurt about, and I did do a fair bit of venting (which is basically masked complaining) to trusted people. I all out threw a pity party one day, which is basically complaining to the hundredth power. But I’m working on it. It’s not easy. I am starting to notice and catch myself as I say things. I’m starting to at least be able to be mindful of when I’m complaining, which allows me to choose if I want to proceed, or if I want to either reword what I’m about to say, or just not say it at all. It’s certainly not something I’ve mastered, but it’s a start, and for now, I’ll take that.