Intentionality in Communication
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In all of our daily actions, communication might be the area in which I find intention most impactful. When there’s intention, communication can be incredibly powerful. Of course, this doesn’t mean it’s always good - you can intentionally communicate in a way that’s harmful, such as when you purposefully say something to hurt someone. But assuming here that I’m not suggesting we intentionally hurt others through our communication, I’m going to focus on the positive aspects of intentional communication, and the way in which not being intentional with our communication can cause, well, miscommunication.
In yoga, there are numerous ways in which the intention in our communication shines through. As teachers, we can create an inviting and open atmosphere by the way in which we communicate with our students and lead the class. The language we use, the speech patterns, the seriousness or lightness that we use in class all affect the overall feel of the class. I have one particular class that I teach - a workplace benefit class for charity- in which many of the regular attendees are taking yoga for the first time, or the first time in quite a while. They have long, busy, stressful days, and as a whole, they’re looking to relax, unwind, move, raise money for the organization, and to have fun. So we keep it light. We laugh. Often. In all of my classes, I encourage variations and modifications, and communicate these as all equally acceptable options. I make it obvious that I, as an instructor, am far from the “perfect yogi” (spoiler alert: the perfect yogi doesn’t exist, much like the perfect human doesn’t exist, so don’t worry about trying to get there). I try to avoid saying things like “the full expression of the pose”, or “a more advanced option”, because I don’t want anyone to feel pressured to into a pose that doesn’t work for them, or to feel less because they aren’t going into a specific variation.
In classes in which I adjust and assist, I always assume that people are opting out, and give them the option to opt in. I feel that communicating it in this way takes the pressure off someone feeling like “should” opt in to be touched, even if they’d rather not. There are plenty of other examples of intentional communication in class. The basic idea is that in each class or with each client, I have a “why” for communicating in the way that I do. (Big important clarification here before I move forward: As a student, you do NOT need to give a “why” for things like why you opt out of hands on assists, or why you chose a certain variation of a pose. It’s your practice, and unless it could affect the teacher in some way - i.e. you have an injury we should know about so that we don’t hurt you if you opt in for assists - you should never feel like you have to “explain yourself” to a teacher.)
In life, well, I could honestly probably write a book about intentional communication in life. But for me, there are a few key pieces to intentional communication.
Know why you’re saying what you’re saying (or if it’s a non-verbal communication, why you’re doing what you’re doing)? And to clarify, not “what’s the acceptable reason/the CYA reason to be saying or doing this” but the real reason underneath it all.
Ask yourself “Is this the right time/place to communicate this?” Not just for you, but also for the other party. And to be clear, I realize that for some things, there’s no right time. If you have to communicate difficult news, for instance, there’s never going to be a “perfect time”. But doing it, say, right before they have a big interview, or in a public place where they don’t have the privacy to process it, might not be ideal.
Ask yourself “Is the way in which I’m communicating this the best way for it to be communicated, both for myself and the other person?” Example: I don’t like phone calls (massive understatement). But I wouldn’t give someone life-altering news (good or bad) via a text message - or a tweet or a FB post or anything else - unless for some reason it was absolutely unavoidable, or unless the person explicitly told me they’d prefer to receive the news that way. And it’s true that sometimes the parties involved are never to agree on the “best way to communicate it” - i.e. I know people who call with things that can easily be texted/emailed/sent via singing telegram/anything but a phone call - so it’s sometimes a matter of using common sense or trying to use common sense, or doing your best to meet in the middle.
Ask yourself “Am I being fully present during this communication?” Now I realize this varies for different forms of communication. If we’re texting/messaging back and forth, I don’t expect you to drop everything and stare at your phone until my next message comes through. But if we’re having an in-person conversation and I’m staring at my phone or the TV (assuming we’re not having a convo about something on my phone or the TV), I’m not being fully present. And part of intentionality in communication is being present. It’s difficult to be fully intentional about a conversation, your words, your non-verbal cues, your tone, you’re listening, when you’re only half (at best) focused on it. And while I’m at it, remember that listening is an equally important part of communication - you can say volumes without saying anything.
Intentional communication these days can be tricky. We have emails, texts, phone calls (or, you know, hopefully not so much on the calls for this introvert!), social media notifications from numerous platforms all coming at us continually, not to mention communication with the people that we’re actually in the presence of. And it’s understandable that if, for instance, you work in an on-call situation where you could get an urgent text or call any minute from work, you can’t fully set your phone down and simply ignore it all together. Or if you have little kids, I get that they may run in the room and interrupt our phone conversation. Life happens, and it’s understandable. But we can choose to, as best we can, be present with the communication we’re currently engaging in. We can choose our words intentionally, thoughtfully, regardless of if they’re written or spoken. We can focus on the other person/people. We can pay attention to our non-verbal cues as well. We can do our best to be purposeful with our communication, to know our why, and to aim to communicate with that in mind. I think that of all the actions we take in daily life, intentionality in communication may be the trickiest. I also believe it’s the most important.