Ahimsa In the Time of COVID19

I know that originally my topic of the month was fear, but life has changed drastically in the past month. When I planned out my themes at the beginning of the year, I had no idea we’d be in the midst of a pandemic. And trust me, there’s plenty I could write about with fear in relation to this. I have loved ones and friends who are high risk for all sorts of reasons. The idea of one of them getting it is terrifying. I have from a mood cycling disorder, and spending the majority of my time in a one-bedroom condo for weeks isn’t going to be great for my depression. The uncertainty of everything changing day to day is scary. There’s so much I could speak to with fear, and maybe I will later in the month. But right now, as a yoga teacher and a yoga student, I feel the need to talk about the first of the Yamas, Ahimsa or non-harming, in the time of COVID19.

First, there’s the obvious non-harming. Do everything you can not to put yourself and others at risk of infection. Don’t take twenty packets of toilet paper or all of the bread and milk and leave none for anyone else. Don’t force your workers to come to work when it’s been mandated that your type of business close. Put people and saving lives over profits. This is (or should be, in my opinion) the obvious type of non-harming.

But also, I’m observing another type of harming. I’m observing it in terms of judgement and unnecessary (and unhelpful) criticism of others and ourselves. Maybe you are judging another parent because you think they aren’t doing enough in their at home schooling. Or you criticize a teacher, who was probably given about 24 hours or less to transition their lessons online and figure out how teach from home, for not doing their classes from home exactly as you think they should be doing. Maybe you are criticizing someone that’s spending their time home watching TV, when you’ve decided to start those ten new hobbies you’ve wanted to do and didn’t have time for.

Or take something that happened to me recently. I did a super rough “draft” video of a yoga warm up from home. I have students that wanted to practice, and I’m playing with how I can teach them from home, or at least offer videos that they can access. I explained that it was a rough draft, that it was my first time doing a video like this. I was incredibly nervous to post it because of my massive fears of failure and rejection, and of course, instead of posting it on a small group page, accidentally posted it on a public profile. And the first comment I got on it, after being so nervous to post and explaining that I was doing my best not being tech savvy and that this was a draft, was a comment from someone I vaguely know who commented “Just so you know, your audio is horrible”. The person then went on to publicly describe in the comments just how horrible it was. Now, this person didn’t offer me a solution. They didn’t reach out privately and say “Hey, I work with AV (they don’t to my knowledge), let me offer some tips” or “I use this service for my free videos, and I’ve always found it worked really well.” No, they simply told me it was horrible. Publicly. They claimed to be trying to help, but there’s nothing helpful about saying “this is horrible” and offering nothing on what I could do to fix the issue.

All of these situations described above are examples of harming, of not practicing ahimsa. They might not be as blatant as ignoring the mandates to stay home and instead partying on spring break. They aren’t “global-pandemic-spreading” type of harmful, but they are harmful in a different, more personal way. So many of us are struggling right now. We might be struggling financially, or emotionally due to feeling isolated. We may be struggling because we’re physically ill or our loved ones are. We might be extremely anxious because or a loved one is high risk. And while there’s always an exception, so many of us are doing the best we can. We’re yoga teachers having to teach from the living room while our dog or kid tries to sit on the mat. We’re teachers having to move lessons online overnight. We’re parents having to be parent, employee or business owner, and home school supervisor at the same time. We’re having to get creative to do in-person jobs remotely. We’re people who have been temporarily laid off and having to figure out what to do. We’re small business owners trying to desperately keep our company afloat. And through it all, we’re having to limit our in person connections which, even for this socially anxious introvert, over time, can be difficult and isolating. Judgement and criticism (not critique, but criticism) when people are doing their best with a terrible situation is doing harm. It’s especially harmful when you don’t know all of the facts of their situation, which no matter how much we think we know, we rarely do.

On the same token, often, it’s ourselves that we need to practice Ahimsa towards. We are so frequently our own worst critics. So please know that it’s OK if your home school lessons plans are written on the back of a paper towel and your neighbor has a color-coded, laser printed copy divided down to the hour. It’s OK if you’re working in sweatpants and your coworkers are posting pictures of them working from home like they’re dressed up for an night out. It’s fine if you’re annoyed at your kids or your pet or your whoever for being loud while you’re on a zoom conference. It’s OK if you need to step outside (six feet away from other people) and take a breather because being at home with your kids running around and your pet sitting on your lap or your computer while you’re trying to work is taking it’s toll (ahem: I’m not suggesting you leave small children alone, use common sense of course). Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, if you’ve had something amazing happen lately (got engaged, got married, had a baby, got your book picked up by a publisher, whatever it is, wrote a new song, etc), it’s OK to be happy about it. The world is suffering right now but that doesn’t mean every moment of every single person’s day has to be that way. And it’s OK if you don’t know how to feel. It’s OK if you’re scared or anxious or depressed or nervous. It’s OK if you don’t feel OK. It’s also OK if you find moments of joy laughing with your kids or your partner or snuggling your pet. All of this is OK. Be kind to yourself. Practice ahimsa towards others, and also towards yourself. These are unique times and we’re unexpected situations that change by the day, sometimes the hour, and we’re all figuring this out as we go along.