September Is National Suicide Prevention Month

September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Honestly, suicide prevention month should be every month, because even one person dying by suicide is one too many, and yet an average of 132 people die by suicide every day in the US. Every. Day. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S., and perhaps more startlingly, it’s the 2nd leading cause of deaths for people ages 10-34 years old. The fact that suicide statistics start at age 10 is, frankly, horrific to me. 

Those who know me know that suicide prevention is a cause close to my heart. About ten  years ago, my mom’s cousin (my second cousin) Joe died by suicide. I wasn’t close to Joe,  but my mom and her family grew up with him. While I was growing up, we celebrated many holidays with his mom, my great aunt, and occasionally we’d see him. I wish that I’d had a chance to know him as an adult. Knowing his history, which I will not get into here because it’s personal and not mine to share, I cannot imagine the struggles he went through. But I do know what it’s like to struggle with mental illness, and I wish I could have talked to him, or offered for him to talk to me. Even if he never did, I think that sometimes knowing someone is available to listen can help. I don’t if it would have for him, but I wish I’d had the opportunity.  

I’ve also had my own struggles. I’ve lived with rapid cycling cyclothymia (a mood disorder in which I can cycle rapidly between hypomania and depression) basically my whole life, though I was only officially diagnosed about 11 years ago, after my then undiagnosed illness landed me  in a “voluntary” stay in the hospital for a couple of nights (voluntary is in quotes for a reason, a whole other story that I won’t go into at the moment). I have been in a place where I don’t understand why I’m even still alive. I’ve been at the place where I thought the world and those I love would be better without me. I have experienced that feeling of absolute hopelessness, of worthlessness, of complete emptiness and numbness. There are times, even 11 years into mental illness recovery, that I feel this way, because my illness isn’t gone, it’s just that I understand it more now and have a treatment plan that I follow. 

I have seen friends and struggle with mental illness, with suicidal ideation and attempts. I’ve seen friends and loves ones lose people they love to suicide. 

So many of us suffer, often feeling so horribly alone. There’s still so much stigma surrounding both mental illness and suicide. For some, factors such as family dynamics, culture, or religion (and I’m sure plenty else) make reaching out for help, speaking about struggles, even more difficult. I know that we’re all different. We all experience our illnesses differently and all have unique circumstances that mean nobody can completely understand what another is going through in their illness and how it impacts their life. But I also want anyone struggling to know that others can understand some. There are others who have experienced the feelings of depression, isolation, worthlessness, hopelessness, who have questioned their lives, who have struggled to get out of the bed in the morning, who maybe some days cannot do so. Please know you are not alone, although I understand that it often may feel like it. There are people out there who will listen. I know you may feel like a burden asking others for help, reaching out to others (I know because I’ve been there too). I promise that you are not. If you need to reach out, even if we don’t personally know each other, my virtual door is open. You matter. Your life matters.