A Look Back On My 40th Year

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Tomorrow’s my 41st birthday, and as I like to do with birthdays and other transitional type milestones, I wanted to take a look back on my 40th year. I know it’s an age that can feel like a danger zone for some people, but I was actually excited about it. I love new beginnings and entering a new decade felt like it. Plus, year 39 had been pretty eventful - I self-published my first novel, I completed and passed yoga teacher training, I established my yoga and wellness business, I started teaching at studios. So there was no reason to think that 40 wasn’t looking good. 

And then 2020 hit. I can certainly say that I did not spend the majority of my 40th year in any way that I remotely expected to. For starters, one of my goals was to come out of my natural introvert cocoon, spend more time with friends, and do more social activities. So, we know how that went. Instead of having the chance to teach yoga and wellness classes in more studios and workplaces, everything shut down and I transitioned to virtual. I also recently got diagnosed with a new chronic illness, Interstitial Cystitis, and as a result I have to start PT for my pelvic floor and bladder, so that obviously wasn’t in the game plan. But despite the year not looking at all like I’d thought it would, there were a lot of positives, and a lot of (albeit somewhat forced) growth. 

  •  Last October, I exhibited at the Collingswood Book Festival with my novel. I even sold some copies! And in addition to the book festival, I sold significantly more books online - both paperback and e-versions than I ever anticipated, which as an added benefit, meant more “royalties” than anticipated (Note: my expectations for sales were low, I’m by no means a best selling author or rich off of book royalties. But still, this surpassed my expectations). 

  • Last November, we took a road trip through New England, which included attending a friend’s wedding. I got to explore towns I’d never been to, and I got to stay in a particularly awesome B&B in Burlington, VT. 

  • I ushered in 2020 with a low key fun New Year’s Eve of playing games, eating snacks, having beers, and hanging out with friends at their house. This is 100 percent my ideal way to spend the evening. At 40, being a socially anxious introvert, I don’t need or want big parties or open bars or anything like that. 

  • I got my Yoga for Parkinson’s Disease certification.

  •  I completed and passed a Lifestyle Wellness Coach course and exam.

  • I got a certificate in Contact Tracing (DEFINITELY wasn’t on my radar prior to March 2020!). 

  • I basically stopped wearing makeup AND (this is the important part) I’m actually feeling way more comfortable with my natural self. Clarification - I have no issue with makeup. In fact, the creative in me loves playing with colors and palettes and such. I was forced to stop wearing it due to a weird allergic reaction to something and then COVID hit and I worked from home for three months, so I just never really went back to wearing it. I have put on light makeup from time to time. One day when it’s safe to go back out to a nice dinner or date night, or when I want to dress up for something, I’m happy to wear it. But I don’t feel like I need to wear it just to feel comfortable with other people seeing me or me seeing myself in the mirror. And that’s huge. 

  • Similarly, because of said allergic reaction, I’ve massively simplified my “beauty” routine. No more fancy shower gels and different types of lotions for different body parts at different times of day. I now use a dove soap bar, gentle shampoo/conditioner, and one unscented lotion for body, face, feet, hands day or night. It’s forced me to simplify, and to not bombard my skin/body with so much stuff, and the lack of beauty routine (lotions, makeup, etc) means more time in the morning for things like journaling, working out, meditation. Also, fewer, simpler products cost way less money. 

  • I transitioned my teaching to online, which obviously wasn’t my original plan when I entered Yoga Teacher Training, but it’s going surprisingly well, and as a bonus, it’s allowing people to join who weren’t able to make in person classes. 

  • I created a video library of yoga, barre, and workout (non-barre strength training) classes and pose tutorials. 

  • Through yoga benefits - both my weekly benefit class and several pop-up- I’ve helped raise over $2300 for non-profit/charitable organizations. 

I’m not posting this in a “just look at the positive” type of way. So much about 2020 has sucked, and for many people it’s sucked significantly worse than it has for me (I acknowledge that privilege). But in looking at my 40th year as a whole, I can see areas in which I’ve grown, discovered more about myself, and gotten creative due to obstacles I certainly didn’t see coming. And for me, someone who’s naturally prone to depression and anxiety, who often struggles to see the positive in myself and my own value, I think it’s important for me to not just sweepingly dismiss my 40th year, but to acknowledge that there were areas in my life where learning and discovery and growth took place. I have no idea what 41 will hold. I’m definitely not going to say “I can’t wait to see what this year brings”, because after last year I know better than to make that kind of statement! There’s a lot I’m anxious about in the coming months/year. But I’ll try to head into my 41st year curious and open to possibility - even if that possibility shows up in a way I never expected.