Asteya - What We Steal Without Realizing
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Asteya, the third yama that I chose to focus on, is defined as non-stealing. Of all of the yamas, this probably, on the surface, feels like the easiest. Most people don’t generally go around activity stealing things from others. But as you dig into asteya, this actually, to me, feels like potentially the most tricky.
Speaking for myself, and I’d guess others can relate, we often steal without realizing it. I know that I’m often a stealer of time and energy. It’s not intentional, not per se. I don’t set out to steal from others. I’m a Quality Time person - it’s my “love language”, if you’re into such things (I am) and it’s also just generally something I value. The people in my life are incredibly important, and therefore spending quality time with those I hold closely is one of my key goals, even for this socially anxious introvert. Similarly, genuine connection with others is an aspect of life that I highly value and pursue. Between the two of these, I can be demanding of others time and energy. I need more quality time and connection time than many others. I crave it the way others may crave their favorite foods. And therefore, I often, without even realizing it, end up stealing time and energy from other people. Because I believe that people should come before almost anything else - like work or chores or housework or things or whatever it is - I’m often asking people to take time away from those activities or priorities to spend it together. Similarly, someone might want to relax and watch TV, and I want to do something together (I don't consider watching tv without much interaction actually doing something together, which I know is my weird quirk), and in this way, I can be demanding of people’s energy.
There are plenty of other ways we can steal from others without realizing it. If you’ve ever been asked to do something “for good exposure”, aka for free, you’ve probably felt this. You’re providing a service or a craft or a skill, and aren’t actually being compensated for the time and energy and possible actual money (i.e. if you had to buy materials, say), that you’ve put in. If you’ve ever had someone routinely ask to pick your brain without any form of compensation (either actual payment or a “barter”/trade type of situation), you may have felt this. They’re essentially asking to take your knowledge, knowledge that in some cases they may charge others to receive, for free.
Now, this is not to say that we don’t sometimes give things away because we want to. As a mental health advocate, I’m constantly providing information about mental health, and offering for those struggling to reach out (as a peer, I’m not a mental health professional), because this is something I want to offer in order to normalize the conversation around mental health and to erode the stigma. I want to share my story in an effort to raise awareness. I want to be a person that others can turn to when they feel alone. I volunteer for opportunities to do this. But at the same time, there are plenty of instances in which I do feel that knowledge as a patient should be compensated - when people participate in trials, or in research studies, or when organizations ask for us to be part of a project as a patient expert, for instance. These can be quite involved, can take a significant amount of time and money and in some cases even travel, and compensation is warranted.
To be clear, all of life is a little give and take. I don’t by any means feel that everyone should walk around simply thinking “what’s in it for me - if I don’t get anything back then they’re stealing from me!”. But I do feel that often, we take more than we realize. We of course notice if we physically take an item from someone (or hopefully we do, at least). But it’s those intangibles, those resources that can’t necessarily be quantified physically, that we manage to steal often without even being aware that we’re doing it.
And on the mat? As a student, it could be ensuring that you’re not doing anything to “steal” from the other students’ experience - for instance, trying to talk to other students during class, or letting your phone ring or beep instead of putting it away. It could be something as basic as if there’s a more desirable spot in the room (i.e. because of room design or how the sun comes in the windows or whatever) not always taking that spot. It could be a more obvious form of not stealing - i.e. not asking a yoga teacher friend to get you a deal or get you into class for free, or to repeatedly give you yoga assistance/sessions for free. As a teacher, it could be ensuring that you give your class your full attention and energy. If you teach class, but your brain is on what you’re going to make for dinner that night, or the argument you had with your partner earlier, you’re taking away (aka “stealing”) attention and focus from your class.
These next two weeks, I plan to practice Asteya both on and off the mat. On the mat, whether teacher or student, I am to put aside everything from the outside, and focus solely on the class. I generally tend to be pretty good at this, which is one of the reasons I love yoga so much - it allows me to be in the present - but I want to pay particular attention, and ensure that I’m giving my full attention to the class each moment that I’m there. Off the mat, I’m focusing on being particularly conscious of the time and energy that I tend to steal, albeit unintentionally. I’m stepping back and allowing more space for others. I’m working on noticing when I’m starting to steal time or energy, in the way of excessive quality time or connection. And don’t get me wrong, I still believe these both to be essential to fulfilling relationships with others, at least for me. But I realize that my view of the amount of time or connection “needed” might be a bit skewed, that quality time is not everyone’s way of feeling loved or valued, and that sometimes, people can connect more deeply when the room and space to also focus on their other needs, including themselves. I’m also focusing on turning my attention inward, to enjoy some quality time and connection with myself, as I feel this will, in the long run, positively influence the way I approach quality time and connection with others.
What areas in life do you notice yourself stealing? In what ways could you practice Asteya to address these? .